Confronting my Anger

I let things get to me sometimes. And then I find it hard to control my emotions. Kids push buttons, we all know that. And most of the time I think I do a pretty good job preventing things from escalating by anticipating their needs. But that doesn't always work of course. Noah has days like today where he WILL NOT LISTEN. It doesn't matter what I do - strict consequences, patiently repeating myself, positive reinforcement. He just zones out and doesn't cooperate. Ava gets easily frustrated when she feels like she can't communicate what she wants and doesn't always get the difference between "I don't know what you want" and "I know what you want but you can't have it". 

When all of that comes together during times where I am trying to accomplish something (getting ready to leave the house, nap time, or getting dinner prepped), things can get ugly in this house. I'm not proud to admit that I loose it pretty quickly sometimes. I snap, I yell, I slam doors. And once that cycle has kicked off, it's so hard for me to snap back out of it. 

I've had days where I let some small thing in the morning get to me and I can't help but be in a funky mood all day. It's so emotionally draining. I've wondered why I can't keep my cool sometimes. Maybe it's a sense of perfectionism and I have feelings of failure when I can't keep my kids under control. Maybe it's a form of anxiety which can manifest itself as rage. Maybe I just described the same thing in two different ways. I have always assumed these quirks, these oddities that come and go in phases, are triggered by specific events, and aren't noticeable to those who aren't very close to me, are character traits. It's been a few years since I've thought about whether or not I have or used to have depression. Then I came across the above article linking anxiety and rage, and I am wondering again. Either way, whatever the cause, getting angry and frustrated with my kids isn't helping anyone. Yelling at them might get their attention, but it never solves the problem. It most definitely doesn't make me feel better, quite the opposite in fact. And most importantly, it's not the kind of relationship I want to have with my kids. So I'm working on it.

On Bucket Fillers and Class Dark Clouds

Noah was "bucket filler of the week" at his preschool last week. Another kid was crying because one of his friends had said they didn't want to come to his house for a sleep over. Noah's teacher was already talking to the child and comforting him, when Noah walked over and said: "Hey Mr. Brian, can I talk to him for a minute?" And so he did. Apparently he said something along the lines of "that's just how it is sometimes, sometimes our friends don't want to come over and play." And it worked. The other child felt better and stopped crying, and Noah got lots of praise for being a bucket filler. 

Bucket filling is "(s)aying or doing something kind. Giving someone a heartfelt smile. Using names with respect. Helping without being asked. Giving sincere compliments. Showing respect to others. There are hundreds of wonderful ways to fill buckets. The language of bucket filling has become synonymous with being kind and thoughtful. Your bucket will be filled when, at the close of each day, you reflect on the ways in which you have filled buckets." (see http://www.bucketfillers101.com/faqs.php) 

As Noah's teacher Mr. Brian told me about it at the end of the day when I picked him up, I of course had a proud mom moment. Especially considering that during last year's parent teacher conference, his teacher in the previous class mentioned that Noah was often too much in his own bubble to see how other kids may be feeling or may be impacted by his words or actions.

On the way home we talked about how his kindness had not only made the other child feel better, but also himself. That's the idea of bucket filling - by being kind and thoughtful, we not only fill other people's buckets (aka our mental and emotional selves), but also our own. 

And then I thought of this article I had shared on Facebook a few days earlier, quoting "Why should my daughter be taught, at 3, that she’s responsible for placating Max and his mood disorder? I’ve spent my life trying to be Class Sunshine — getting good grades because I wanted to please my teachers, eating the wrong meal when waiters bring it to me, apologizing to potted plants when I bump into them. Our society already teaches women to be “Class Sunshine.” If Amalia wants to be Class Dark Cloud, damn it, she is free to be Class Dark Cloud."

5 Months Update (Levi)

My baby boy is five months old! He's still in 9m clothes and we moved up to size 3 diapers. 

Levi is always on his tummy reaching for his toys. He loves hanging out on his blanket at the playground, playing with wood chips. Thankfully he isn't coordinated enough yet to put them into his mouth. He also got to sit in the swing for the first time. 

12 ways to eat Seafood

Tony went on a fishing trip to Canada a few weeks ago and came back with I don't know how many pounds of fish. Sockeye salmon, rockfish, lingcod, halibut. I had to give things away to make room in our freezer before he returned home and it was completely stacked with fish. Him and Noah have also had luck with shrimping and crabbing this summer, so we've been eating lots of seafood lately. Before then, even though we both enjoy eating fish, we only very rarely cooked it at home. I had no idea what to do and started looking up recipes for inspiration. We now eat fish about twice a week and are really enjoying it. I didn't think I'd say this, but I'm looking forward to him going on the trip again next year. 

Baby Wearing for Beginners - A Practical Guide Part II

In Part I, I answered some of the basic questions about baby wearing and listed a few resources. In Part II I want to share my personal experience with the different carriers I own. I might refer to some other ones that I would love to try, but for the most part will try to stick to what I know.

There are different types of carriers: ring slings, wraps (stretchy and woven), buckle carriers, and mei tais. This website has a great overview of the different types and their pros and cons: https://www.carrymeaway.com/learncenter/baby-carriers-101/

I started my baby wearing journey with a baby k'tan, which falls in the wrap category. When Noah got older and no longer enjoyed being snuggled up in it, maybe at six or nine months old, I purchased a used Ergo carrier, which is a buckle (or soft structured) carrier. Spoiler alert, the ergo is my favorite option and is getting used the most in and around this house.

Baby Wearing for Beginners - A Practical Guide Part I

I don't consider myself a baby wearing guru. I don't follow the latest trends, don't have all the accessories, and as much as I am sure it's true that baby wearing fosters bonding and helps form trusting parent/caregiver - child relationships, I never wore my kids with that being the primary goal.

Having said that, baby wearing is such a super practical choice, I sometimes wonder how parents do it without a baby carrier. Just a few examples where it has been a true life saver: at the airport with three kids, car seats, and luggage; when taking an older sibling to bed with a cranky baby; on long walks with all three kids; on the airplane with an overtired screaming toddler refusing to go to sleep until she was strapped on to me; at the grocery store (there's not enough room in a standard size shopping cart for a baby car seat and groceries for a family of five); at the playground, the kids museum, the park; on trails through the woods that even our all terrain jogging stroller can't handle; trying to get dinner ready with a baby in tow that wants nothing but to be held; etc. 

I don't even think about it anymore, but I'm pretty sure Levi has been in one of the carriers at least once every single day since he was five days or so old and Ava at almost two years old still enjoys it sometimes. So, I have some experience and tips to share I think. I've also owned four different kids of carriers, so I'll review those options here. 

Let's start with some tips, thoughts, and starting points. 

Where to start? 

Here are some links to get you started. Babywearing International (https://babywearinginternational.org/) is not only an informative website, but includes support options. 

Levi's Style - Baby Boy Fall Outfits

Fall is officially here (oh how I've missed the rain!) and it's time to box up our summer outfits and make room for fall clothes. Most of my kids' clothes are hand me downs, items I've received as gifts through my local Buy Nothing group, but at the beginning of every season, a few basic staples are usually missing. And let's be real, I enjoy clothes shopping for the kids, especially when it's only a few additional things I need and I can spend a few extra dollars on quality items that will last a while. 

Let's start with Levi's closet and some of our baby boy fall styles. 

Everyday Style 

Onesies. I'm not picky when it comes to basic bodysuits, as long as they're basic, ha ha. Multi-packs from Carter's, Target, KOHL's, H&M, and Burt's Bees are all great options and hand me downs are really easy to find.

1 - Target

2 - H&M

3 - PACT

4 - Amazon

5 - Amazon