Why I'm Seeing a Midwife for Baby #2

When I was pregnant with Noah, I didn’t even know that going through a midwife program was an option for me. I knew the hospital I had picked for my appointments and delivery had midwives and I would eventually have an appointment with one when my regular OB/GYN was on vacation, but I just assumed seeing a doctor for regular appointments was how this worked. All of this had been new to me after all and looking back now I wish the different options had been clear to me. Nobody mentioned any other options to me when I scheduled my first appointment and the website which is otherwise updated and filled with helpful information didn’t mention it anywhere. So anyway, my experience with my doctor wasn’t terrible, but I also didn’t get the support out of it I was looking for. I would typically spend more time in the waiting room than with my doctor. It’s not like I needed a ton of extra attention; my pregnancy went smooth with no complications so there were never really any concerns we needed to discuss. At the same time, he never initiated any conversation about things that would be on any first time mother’s mind – like giving birth! And with that he didn’t exactly create a setting where I felt comfortable asking these kinds of questions. In fact, I asked a somewhat controversial question only once, and his response was all I needed to hear for me to decide that I would make any further decisions by myself without discussing it with my doctor. My cousin had been past her due date for a few days which sparked the question – what are my options when the due date comes and goes without the baby showing up? My main concern was that I wanted to avoid any medical intervention if at all possible, so my hope was that my little Kraut would arrive on his own before we would have to discuss such interventions. It didn’t turn out to be a problem, Noah made his entrance into this world five days after my due date but I needed to know what my options were. According to my doctor, hospital policy said at seven days plus I’d have to be induced. Period. Well isn’t that a flexible rule that takes into account all circumstances including well-being of mother and child?, I thought to myself. We had just learned about the B-R-A rule in our birthing class and I thought this was the perfect situation to give it a try. It’s simple: when faced with a medical (or probably any other) decision, ask: what are the benefits and risks of the proposed intervention, and what are the alternatives? My doctor completely dismissed my concerns, I don’t think he even understood why I would want to consider keeping him in a few days longer.

Baby Bump #1

To me, at this moment it wasn’t just about negotiating this exact issue and trying to get him to agree to take it day by day when the time came. It was also finally a moment where I felt I needed to stand up for myself and let him know that since this was my body we were talking about I would be the one making the decisions. Everything else had been so easy that there was never a moment where it was important for me to clearly voice my opinion and to be honest I think my doctor had had a completely wrong impression of me and didn’t think I had it in me to challenge his authority. On top of that I just have an issue with strict seven-days-plus rules that don’t take into account circumstances. Calculating the due date is already so unreliable (since it's based on the first day of the last menstrual cycle and not on the actual date of conception) that it just doesn’t seem right to use it as the baseline when you’re negotiating for single days. In the end, we compromised, I got a few extra days, but we did set up an appointment to get induced. Luckily, Noah showed up the day before this appointment, but our discussion around this topic and my doctor’s unwillingness to take individual circumstances into account were the tipping point for my decision that I would not see him again for any future pregnancies. I even considered switching doctors then but decided against it as you never know who would be on call for the delivery.

 

To be clear, it wasn’t this one conversation only. It annoyed me that during every appointment the nurses did all the important and interesting stuff from listening to the heartbeat to asking me how I was feeling. His job essentially seemed to be measuring my belly (a monkey could have done that) and handing me the generic pamphlet about what I should be typically going through at that time. Yes, they were informative, but receiving an update on what to expect in your second trimester at 20 weeks pregnant is not exactly helpful. It’s sad when you rely on doctor Google for information more than on your actual doctor. Granted, I had a super easy and uneventful pregnancy so maybe my experience would have been different if there were any actual medical issues to deal with, but even without complications, any pregnancy is a scary thing, especially for a first time mom, and a bit more support would have been nice.

 

So, as mentioned before, I did have one appointment with a midwife which was fantastic. I don’t remember the exact details of our conversation, but she asked me questions I hadn’t considered before and we engaged in an actual conversation. Finally, someone was actually listening to me!

Exactly 2 Years Ago

So when I found out I was pregnant again, I first avoided to schedule an appointment, afraid I would make the same mistake and pick a provider I wouldn’t end up liking. But eventually it had to happen so I called and through some awkward back and forth about who I wanted to see (apparently you can’t schedule appointments with a specific midwife and there still needs to be a primary doctor appointed to your case in case of an high risk pregnancy), I found out that our hospital offers a midwife program, where you see different midwives throughout the pregnancy. Even better, I thought – less risk to be stuck with the wrong person and it doesn’t hurt to have met a few of the people who may end up actually attending the birth.

 

My first appointment was amazing. It may have been the pregnancy hormones combined with just relief after my first not so great experience, but I even got a bit emotional. First off, no unnecessary exams that I’m sure would have been routine with a regular doctor. Then, she started out by asking me about my first pregnancy which I thought was great. What an easy way to figure out quickly how I tick and what matters to me. The fact alone that she cared made me happy. This was also the first time someone explained to me in detail what kind of 'damage' I had suffered during Noah’s birth. I didn’t exactly recover quickly after he was born so naturally that is one of the things I’m concerned with again now. I had always found it weird that neither the doctor who delivered Noah and stitched me up (sorry folks if I’m getting a bit personal here, but this is part of the story) nor my regular doctor at my follow up appointment addressed what was actually going on. I know, I could have asked, but they didn’t exactly provide the kind of environment where I felt comfortable to do so. So I’ve always wondered. My midwife didn’t even hesitate when I mentioned it. She pulled up my chart and explained in very basic terms that everything had just seemed much worse because it took longer to heal than it really had been. And just like that, I felt less worried. It can all be so simple when people just take a moment to listen to what we’re concerned with and how we feel.

 

Another piece of information that upset me and reinforced my choice to go with a midwife, was that giving birth in a different position – in particular in the position I had actually been most comfortable in during labor – could have prevented some of the tearing. I don’t understand why doctors insist on textbook deliveries when there are clearly other things to consider. At the time I wasn’t in any state to put up a fight, but I like to think that this time I’m even more prepared and determined to do it my way (as long as it doesn’t come with any serious risks of course), whatever that means in the moment.

 

And this is essentially why I’m seeing a midwife this time around. While I realize not all midwives are the same and I might not end up liking the one who is on call when baby #2 decides to make its entrance into this world, I feel like I am not only getting the better care during my pregnancy (which is so far again an easy one) but I’m also increasing my chances of having an even better birth experience this time with the kind of support that is right for me. In my next post I'll talk about what my midwife appointments have been like so far.