Raising Bilingual Kids - FAQs

This is the third and final part of my series on raising bilingual children. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here. In this post I want to answer some of the questions people often ask when they realize that we're a bilingual family. That way I can also jump into a few examples of what all of this looks like in real life. 

Do you speak German to Noah all the time? 

Yes I do. I thought this was going to be so difficult. I've lived here for almost 8 years now and I think and speak in English all day in my every day life. But I made this conscious choice to raise Noah speaking German and somehow it has never been difficult. Maybe in the same way that it isn't difficult with my family or English speaking German friends. Could we communicate in English? Absolutely. Do we sometimes mix the languages? All the time. But normally I have no issues switching back and forth between the languages if there's a constant - and for me that's people. Some I speak English to, others in German. And Noah is in the German group. It has turned into the natural way we communicate, and I now don't have to remind myself to use German with him. It would feel weird if I spoke English to him. 

Does Noah really understand everything in German? 

Yes he does, or at least as much as he does English. Obviously there are bigger words that he doesn't know yet, but that's true for English too. I have never needed to use an English word to explain something. If he doesn't know what I mean, I'll just use different words to describe what I'm talking about - just as you would do if he didn't understand an expression in English. 

Does he ever respond in German?

Sometimes. I talked about this a bit in my last post. He knows a lot of words, but they don't flow as easily as they do in English. Simply because he doesn't have as much practice, he needs to put a bit more effort into saying it in German. Noah is also very aware of his surroundings. For instance, at daycare, he would never speak German to me, because he knows his friends and teachers are right there, listening in. However, if it's just us in the car, he responds a lot more in German, knowing that's what I'm expecting of him. Other times, it's as if he decides he wants to practice and uses a lot of his German words, often when we read books for bedtime. So overall, he still speaks at least 90% English, but he has his moments. I still struggle with how much I should push him, afraid that I'll be putting too much pressure on him. When my mom was here a few weeks ago, after about a week, we noticed a huge jump in him using a lot more German. I'm hoping when we're in Germany this summer for 3 weeks, he'll get used to it and German sentences will start to roll off his tongue more fluently. 

Does he know when to speak German and when to speak English?

Yes, most definitely. This is something that has amazed me early on. Noah knows which language works for different people. For instance, he knows that he should use German with me, but can get by with using English. He has however never tried to say a single word to Tony in German. With "new" people it sometimes takes him a few days before it clicks, but he has always been able to clearly distinguish between who speaks which language. 

Doesn't he get confused and mix up the languages? 

This is a common misconception, that kids will throw together whatever words they have and confuse the two languages. That's however not the case. Yes, there are instances where he uses an English sentence structure and replaces one word with a German one, but not because he's confused about which one might be correct, but rather because it's the word that his brain had quicker access to, for example I use that word with him a lot more than Tony does the English equivalent. I already talked about this as well, but this is something I still do today. It happens to me all the time that I can think of an English word so much quicker than what it means in German, so I'll add that English word to my German sentence - fully aware that it's the "wrong" language, but knowing that the person I'm talking to knows what I mean. 

Doesn't your husband get confused? How does he know what you're saying? 

Keep in mind that we're talking about conversations with a two year old here. Tony surprises me sometimes with how much he really understands. but usually it's not overly complicated. Conversations revolve around the same topics and context and tone of voice usually give away what's going on. One of my concerns has always been that I was afraid our kids would some day use this to their advantage and try to trick us parents, but so far, it's been going really well. If I need to make sure that Tony understands he knows exactly what I just said so that we can both follow through for instance I'll just repeat it in English so everyone's on the same page (example: "I told him he could read two more books, then it's time for you to get him ready for bed."). Often enough, my tone is all that matters. It's pretty clear when I've already asked Noah twice to do something and my tone gets a bit more serious. Typically, Tony doesn't necessarily need to know (if he's not paying attention to what exactly is going on for instance) what I said. He picks up that Noah isn't listening and can just say: "you better listen to mommy!"

Do you still speak German when other people/kids are around?

This is an interesting question and I had to figure this one out for myself. Now the answer is yes, I speak German to him whether or not everyone around me understands. If I need others to understand for whatever reason I'll translate. It can seem a bit awkward sometimes, but it's worth it to me in the long run. I made a choice to be consistent, and I find it important to speak German with him only. Others are often only confused for a second but then find it more intriguing than anything. Now that I can actually talk to him it is a lot easier for me, but it was more difficult in the first year before he would really respond. I had never realized how much we say things to our children when we're really addressing the audience around us.  
The one other scenario is when I want another child to hear what I'm saying, for example when I'm letting both know that I want them to play nicely, or I want to let Noah and his friend at daycare know that they can finish reading that one book but then we'll have to go. Of course I'm directing that sentence at Noah, but I also want his friend to be aware. Well, worst thing that can happen is that I say it twice, once in German, then again in English. This doesn't happen all that often, but I imagine this to be something we'll have to navigate when we have English speaking friends over for a play date. I wouldn't want them to feel left out or that we're speaking in a "secret language". 

What's the most difficult aspect of all of this? 

As I said, we're almost 3 years into it, and it feels natural to me now speaking to him in German. On the flip side, I am also now used to Noah responding to me in English. Again, I don't want to add too much pressure, but I also want to encourage him to speak German. And that's just so exhausting! Imagine you had to translate every single sentence someone else says in another language, then wait for them to repeat it again, before you move on. It takes so much willpower and energy that I haven't been very consistent with it. But then again, I find it equally important that Noah has a positive relationship to language and communication and I'd rather we actually talk on the way home about all the fun things he did in daycare that day, even if it's in English, than him refusing to talk to me because he doesn't feel like making the effort. This is where I also need to remember that he's not even 3 yet. I feel good about how we're doing things, but trying to get him to respond in German without being discouraging is the most difficult aspect of all of this. 


Have any other questions? Now is the time to ask!