What I've Learned so far about Raising Bilingual Kids

If you read my last blog post you are already aware of all the benefits of being bilingual. All the benefits aside, it was never a question for me whether or not I would raise my kids bilingual. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I had to at least give it a try. I mean, what an opportunity! And we all have heard from people who now say they wish their parents had exposed them to another language but didn't, for various reasons. So here we are, doing everything we can to give our kids the best shot at being fluent in both English and German.

I have been wanting to talk about this topic here for a while, and now that Noah is starting to become more and more interested in trying out his German, I decided it was time. He's always been a good communicator, even before he had many words to express what he wanted, and his English is easy to understand even for strangers. He has always understood German just as well as English, but hasn't been very comfortable speaking it. I can't blame him; I keep having to remind myself that the purpose of language is to communicate; and if it works in English and people understand him, then why use the more difficult (i.e. not as familiar) language, which doesn't roll as easily of his lips? But lately, we have been singing more songs, reading lots of books, and I've encouraged him to speak German, which he started doing - to my surprise. But more on all of that later, we have lots of topics to cover. I want this post to be a good starting point with resources and tips for all my friends who are expecting their first baby and are thinking about raising their kids bilingual while providing some insight into what this looks like at our house - I get tons of questions about it wherever we go. I know it's a fascinating topic. So here we go, starting with my tips and what I've learned so far (remember, 2 1/2 years into this, so not an expert yet, and some topics such as reading and writing aren't even on my mind yet). 

Do your Research

While I was still pregnant with Noah, I picked up a short easy to read book (7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child) on raising bilingual kids from a used book store. It covered only the basics but it was a great resource for me. Some of the general things that were covered there stuck with me. As with everything, you probably won't find that one single resource that has all the information, but I would start with a book. 

There are quite a few highly rated books available on Amazon on the topic, see below. I'm also including some links to other helpful websites at the end of this post. 

Pick a Strategy

There are just as many ways parents raise their kids with multiple languages as there are language combinations. After you've done your research, think about what makes most sense for your family and come up with a plan. For us it means that I speak German to the kids at all times, while Tony speaks English. This might sound like a good 50/50 rule but when you keep in mind that they go to daycare 5 days a week, where they speak English only, it's a different story. Ideally, we would have sent them to a German daycare/school, but that's not an option for us logistically. So we work with what we have: I only read German books to him in the evenings, I try to let him watch German TV (on YouTube) when he does get to watch it, and I'm lucky to have a few fantastic German speaking friends in my life as well as my German family so the kids hear me having adult conversations with others in German as well. 

Other strategies might include:

• define an area (for example the car) where only one language is spoken. This might work well for families where neither parent feels super comfortable with another language, but wants to expose their kids nevertheless
• opt for a nanny, daycare, or aupair that speaks another language fluently
• sing songs and read books in another language, even when not completely fluent
• have play dates with families that speak another language

Ideally, you want to expose your kids as much as possible when your goal is for them to become fluent in two (or more) languages, but as I highlighted in my previous post, even kids that grow up around people who speak a different language benefit simply from hearing it. They might not become fluent, but I would argue that every bit counts and starting small is sometimes easier than having an extensive plan in place, especially when neither parent is a native speaker and it's difficult to incorporate another language into every day life. 

Here's a great overview of the different models:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kevin-wong2/raising-bilingual-childre_b_9558006.html

Stick to your Strategy but be Flexible

Sounds easy, right? Once you've decided how you want to approach it, try to stick with it as much as possible. It's not an easy task and can be so discouraging when your little starts speaking in the "other" language and progresses so quickly, but doesn't seem to show an interest in yours. Be patient and don't give up. Remind yourself of the end goal and keep doing what you're doing. If however, it's just not working out, for whatever reason, pick up that book again, start browsing the internet, ask others for input, and rethink your strategy. It doesn't help the cause if it becomes a source of misunderstanding and frustration. Even if you are unable to commit to it 100% as you had hoped, sticking with some of it is better than giving up completely, so be flexible, and adjust where you can. Who knows, maybe one day they'll be curious and try it out. Or your circumstances change. You'll be amazed.

Build a Support Network

As with any other parenting task, support is the key. It takes a village, remember? Find a play group with other kids who grow up speaking the same language, spend time with friends, who also raise their kids bilingual (whether it's the same languages or different ones), and connect with other bilingual families on social media. As I mentioned, I have a few close friends I speak German to, who also have kids around the same age, and I love that Noah gets exposed to me speaking German not only to him on a regular basis. We also try to do some German specific events, from having our own St. Martins's Laternenumzug to going to Kinderfasching at a German school in Seattle. Finally, I'm in a Facebook group for multilingual families in which parents discuss tips, vent when they're frustrated, and offer encouragement when needed. I'm not usually big on connecting with people over social media, but on a specific topic like this it has helped me quite a bit to know that there are other families out there with the exact same struggles and questions. 

Know your Child and Encourage them to Speak, but Keep it Fun

It sounds so lame, but it's so important I think: every child is different, so know your child and adjust accordingly. I'm all for keeping learning a language fun and entertaining, with as little pressure as possible. However, knowing Noah, I know he sometimes needs some extra encouragement to try new things. When his English really took off and he started to have actual conversations with us at around two years old, I was hoping he'd start speaking German with me too. But he never did. There were a few words here and there (really only when he didn't know the English word for it), but never a sentence, or just part of it. For a long time, I hesitated bringing it up with him, in an effort to keep it positive and fun, and not to introduce any pressure. Then I joined the above mentioned Facebook group for multilingual families and asked the question: at what age, if at all, did you start encouraging your kids to respond in the minority language? The responses were clear: yes, absolutely, demand it! Enforce it, this is the only way they learn! If he's making progress in his language development, this is exactly the right age to start! That's all I needed to hear. That same evening, as we were getting ready for bed, I told Noah: from now on, I'd like it if you tried to speak German with me, the way I speak German to you. And he looked at me, thought for a moment and said: OK. And it occurred to me that he had never thought about it. Why should he have? He was having success communicating in English, why would he consider changing it? He just hadn't considered this as an option until I brought it up with him. Don't get me wrong, it's not like he completely switched after this one conversation and started communicating with me in perfect German, but I noticed a clear shift. He has since then been more willing to try it out. And I am not afraid anymore of reminding him to use his German words with me. He still speaks English 90% of the time, but he has his moments where he explores his other language and it makes me so happy to see hear the progress. 

In this same category, I'll also say: knowing your child also means not to underestimate them. For example, I've read tips that you're supposed to pretend that you don't know what they're saying when they respond back in the "wrong" language. In my experience, it's really not that simple. They're smart enough to know the difference. Noah hears me speak English often enough to know that I am very well capable of understanding every single word he says. And honestly, keeping up that facade sounds way too complicated to me. Just today during the car ride home, we talked about going to Germany this summer and who else speaks German. He was spot on and made sure to call out that I speak both English and German and was able to list whom I speak which language with. Pretty impressive, I thought. So yeah, don't underestimate what these little brains are capable of. 

Give them the Tools they Need to Use the other Language

We already do all of this naturally with the "main" language, but it's so much more important with the minority language I think, to have a few specifics to "practice" with. Songs for example are a great way of learning another language. Or books that you read every single day that have a certain rhyme and rhythm to them. Yes, w're already reading more advanced books in English, and while he understands them just fine in German as well, I'll often choose to read more simple books, like The Very Hungry Caterpillar with lots of repetition, so Noah can practice reading along and finishing my sentences. 

What I also often do is to give him an alternative way of saying something. I had hesitated about this one as well, after having read that you shouldn't correct children when they make mistakes while learning a language, instead you'd rephrase it and mirror it back to the child. For example: Noah used to say: "help you!" when he really meant: "help me!" (because he had heard Tony say a million times: "Do you want me to help you?") Instead of saying: no, it's "help me (please)!" you could say: "sure, I can help you. After that could you help me by handing me that toy?" However, Noah was already at the stage where his language was so advanced, that I felt I could use this without discouraging him. It often seems like he appreciates the tip and uses it as an opportunity to test things out. And of course he knows it makes me happy. And often I even go as far as saying: you'll only get it when you ask me in German. This works really well for sentences that I know he says at least once every single day. For example, after I pick up the kids from daycare, he wants to listen to music in the car. So he'll ask: "can I get some music please?" I'll say: "Du meinst wohl 'Kannst du bitte die Musik anmachen?'". He'll repeat it, and I turn on the music. After he few days, all I had to say was: "Sagst du's bitte auf deutsch?" and it worked. Now I even make sure the music is off when he gets in the car just to create that opportunity.   

Expose as Much as Possible

As the parent speaking the minority language, you need all the extra help you can get. This can mean going on vacations where that language is spoken, encouraging lots of communication with family members and friends who speak the same language, reading books, watching TV, and listening to music. Yes, it's often easier to just pick the station with American kids music, but it's so worth it to make the effort of hand picking some good TV shows and music in the minority language I think. Yes, I'm a proud mama when Noah sings Puff the Magic Dragon from start to finish, but it's a million times better when he randomly starts singing Meine Biber haben Fiber or any other song he's been listening to on one of my German kids CDs. 

That's it for now. What a long post. I hope all of this information wasn't too overwhelming. If it inspired you, here are some other websites you might want to check out: 

Multilingual Parenting 

Bilingual Monkeys

Raising a bilingual child: The top five myths

If you know of any additional helpful resources, I'd love it if you left a comment. 

Please also leave a comment if you have any questions you've always wanted to ask me on this topic, even if they sound silly. I'll cover frequently asked questions in my next and final post on raising bilingual kids.